We stood strong, we stood tall but before we knew it we were falling. The tour in Japan went as well as could be expected. We played 39 shows in 40 nights. Each one seemed to get closer and closer to the ultimate goal that we were trying to achieve in the first place: To show the Japanese what the definition of "kamikaze" really is. After several lame attempts at sumo wrestling matches live on stage during our performances, we hit on something really big. Andy R.(Last name withheld until his family can be notified). Andy was our lead guitar player and sole proprietor of the idea of having two whale size men accompany us on stage for a battle to the death in the first place. On the 22nd night of the tour, Andy declared war on all of Japan and challenged any man, beast, or midget to take him on personally at each show. This raised many a samurai eyebrows in the far-east sumo community. Within four hours of Andy's challenge to the world, we had the phones ringing off the hook with would-be opponents, not to mention ticket sales exceeding the venues we were scheduled to play. For the next 16 nights we played packed arenas and coliseums to sold out crowds digging our music, but even more-so wanting to witness "The Crazy American Sumo God From The far West" (An actual headline form the "Japan Times"). It wasn't until our 39th show/sumo match that our dreams were cut short. Andy strutted out on the stage in his usual red, white, and blue loincloth and prepared to fight an unlikely, rival: Me. I sailed down from the ceiling above via cables and met face to face with the new "Hero of Japan" ( An actual headline from the "Japan Times" touting Andy as a possible presidential front-runner in the upcoming election). We faced off and I immediately went for the loincloth. I snatched the the tie and ripped it lose exposing all of this "Great Man of the New Japan" (Actual headline from the "Japan Times"), and he fell in a heap of disgrace. The crowd came to a sudden hush but soon began shouting things that sounded like obscenities and heckles (We couldn't actually understand them because we don't speak Japanese). Andy quickly rose and faced the crowd and with one bow of the head, he turned and bolted for the door never to be seen again (At least not yet). We never finished the last night of our tour. We felt it just wouldn't be right. But after several months of deliberating on the logistics of a show, we've decided that Andy would want us to go on. He would want us to carry the torch of "The Biggest Warrior That Really Wasn't That Big" (Actual Headline From "Japan Times"). So we will carry that torch, and we'll carry it proud at a small venue in Minneapolis, MN. U.S.A. So if you're out there, Andy, know that Buddha is right there with you, and so are we, big fella (wink, wink).
-Happy Under The Table